Friday, 3 June 2011

To Cry or Not to Cry?

That is the question.

Naomi's night's continue to be unsettled, though she has gone back to waking only once or twice a night, which for her age is pretty good, it just feels horrific because she gave us 3 or 4 weeks of sleeping through the night which led us into a place of false security.

On top of that she seems to be taking longer to settle at nights.  We normally feed to sleep and then put her down, sometimes she wakes during the transfer but a quick bounce from her mummy sees her back to sleep and off we go.  Recently though she has been waking up during the transfer and then needing bounced/rocked/sung to for 30 minutes or so before she goes down.  Last night it took 2 hours! This saw her Dad and I sitting down for a few minutes before 10pm came round and exhausted we went off to bed!

This then brought up the subject of controlled crying and more to the point should we or shouldn't we.  My husband and I are probably both of the opinion that it will need to happen at some point, though I am more inclined to say she is too little now.  What, though, are the alternatives.  We can continue to bounce her as much as she needs which may drive us to the point of distraction, though might preserve our sanity by saving us from the tears.  Is there anything else, though?

I got quite annoyed yesterday having had a moan about things then having lots of people tell me how they got their little ones to sleep but no-one taking into account that Naomi is her own wee self and not a carbon copy of their babies.  People told me to have a routine, this annoyed me because we have one.  People told me to keep her up in the day, despite the fact that not napping got us into a terrible pickle with crying for hours on end for other reasons.  People told me to do controlled crying straight away and others told me to wait.

I get annoyed not because people offer me advice, however, but because there seems to be so much conflicting advice and even evidence, and no clear answers whatsoever.  My husband and I are exhausted and we need to get this sorted and yet no one is even able let alone willing to help us with anything definitive.

Did/do you do controlled crying? What age was your wee one when you did? How do you preserve your sanity throughout the months of sleep deprivation?

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  1. I've breastfed all of mine to sleep, and with my older two I did that until they were 2.5 I personally have no issues with it, I would never ever leave my child to cry itself to sleep. Of course it works. The child soon realises that no one is coming and falls asleep, usually from exhaustion from crying. Especially in the early days where you try and CC them. They say not to do it in babies under 6 months. I think reading "the no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley is a great source of info on breastfed babies and self settling.

    I do however co/sleep so the issue of me putting a baby in a cot etc has never risen I feed to sleep and that's it I get up, baby stays put. As my children have gotten older they have gone to their own beds, normal single size beds around 15 months, sometimes after the age of two they wouldn't feed and just drift off in my arms. My nearly three year old still does this. I lay with my kids every night and chat LOL

    It's hard to help because only you know your baby and only you as a family know what works and feels right. In our house we do things that work and keep the kids happy, when things start going differently we change them.

    Even now as a busy mum of a 5,3, and 9 month old I lose a lot of sleep a night I get about 5 broken hours a night, various reasons, one I'm not a good sleeper! I rest a lot in the day despite school runs and having a kids class every morning but a Wednesday. I um just get on with it, not much choice weather I've had a good night or not I have 4 people depending on having me entertain them and provide dinner!

  2. I totally get the exhaustion from other people's advice Jay. It's hard because people are trying to be helpful but ultimately they can only tell you what worked for them.

    So I will share what works for us, we have left our little one to cry since she was just a few weeks old. I have never fed her to sleep, in fact I have always made sure she is awake once she finishes feeding. She has gone down into her cot awake after a cuddle and then we have walked out of the room. Has she cried? Yes always a little. Sometimes it has taken a while but now it very rarely takes more than 4 minutes. I have a timer setting on my baby monitor and as I walk out of the room I press go, it then times 10 minutes before it beeps. If baby is still crying at that point then I go to her, I may sing a little, rock her in her cot, if she is very cross I might pick her up but I rarely do because she calms quickly. Then I leave the room again and start the process once more. At the moment she is a great sleeper with good naps in the daytime too.

    I think perhaps she does fall asleep from exhaustion from crying sometimes but that is OK with me because she needs to sleep. I believe she knows she is loved very much and I also know that if there really was something wrong i would know from the sound of her cry.

    I hope that is a little helpful and I hope you get some more sleep