So hubby is away and yet life must go on. So last night I tried to go out and do something just for me, it would have been pure indulgence in that I was meeting up with some people from church to try and talk through some stuff from my past and to lay some of it to rest. It was time to forget about being a Mummy and just be me, it was time to focus on what my needs were rather than those of my little girl.
The babysitter came, we had dinner then I bathed Naomi and put her down to sleep. She was asleep for about 25 minutes before I walked out the door. I had an ominous feeling though.
I had been out for about an hour when the babysitter rang, she was crying and had been since not long after I left. Clearly, I came back home. I have now managed to settle my child, though experience tells me I have a pretty awful night ahead of me, as Naomi is likely to wake quite often in an attempt to make sure I am still around, or perhaps to punish me for going out in the first place!
How do you feel about babysitters though? I feel very mixed about them, on the one hand I think it is reasonable and healthy to need and want time away from the baby and to do things that aren't completely focused on being a parent. On the other hand, I think it is perfectly reasonable for my baby at not quite 6 months old to expect her Mummy to be there when she needs her. I think it reasonable that she won't settle for someone she doesn't know very well (which unfortunately includes grandparents, seeing as we live so far from family).
The night before last I went out and left Naomi with a babysitter and she didn't wake once, last night she woke almost immediately on my leaving*. Should I have stayed at home? Should I have waited for night her Dad was here? Do I only feel guilty because it went "wrong"? Or should I feel guilty anyway?
Naomi is a good wee girl, I hate the idea that I caused her to be upset but maybe it is a life lesson she just needs to learn?...
*This makes it sound like we leave her often, in fact this was only the 5th time she has ever been left with anyone other than Mummy or Daddy, ever.