Thursday, 26 September 2013

Normal doesn't mean easy

I am about to have a rant.  Feel free to comment if you life but the main point of this post is just to rant and get my feelings out.

I am dealing with a few issues just now and all of  them are very, VERY normal.

1.  I live in a town where I have no friends.  I have met lots of really lovely people and I look forward to getting to know them better but right now they don't know much more about me than my name, how many children I have and that I moved here recently.  My really good friends live in Aberdeenshire or Loughborough. And you know what, I am lonely.  Really lonely.  So lonely it makes me cry sometimes.  This is normal, we've not long moved here and missing the people I have deep relationships with is normal.  Wishing I could just pop round and say hello is normal.  Feeling down and wishing I could have coffee with them is normal.

2.  My children fight.  Constantly.  With each other and with me.  Now that Miriam can move Naomi gets upset that her toys are stolen but equally doesn't understand that Miriam can't really play with her yet.  Naomi doesn't listen to a thing I say from the beginning of the day to the end, unless I am offering her cake.  This is normal, she is two.  She is working out the world doesn't revolve around her and she is sad about it.  It is normal that Miriam wants to explore her sister's toys and doesn't understand that Naomi thinks they are all hers.

3.  I am exhausted.  This is normal, I have two small children and I am with them constantly as neither of them have any childcare so I look after them morning, noon and night seven days a week.  At this point in life I shouldn't expect to feel anything other than tired.

The thing is, though.  Just because it is normal doesn't make it easy.  Just because it is normal for my two year old to go through a phase of refusing to use a knife and fork doesn't mean I shouldn't try and make her at least try.  Just because it is normal for me to feel lonely when  my friends live so far away doesn't make it any easier for me to get through each day longing for deeper relationships and doesn't mean I should just get over it and stop feeling low.

I have stopped telling people about my difficulties, at least not so much as I feel all I get is a platitude of "it's normal".  It is normal, and that provides a small amount of comfort that my problems aren't of a magnitude that can't be dealt with but it doesn't change anything, not least of all that life feels a bit tiring, challenging and difficult right now and I feel like I genuinely need help, be it advice or 10 minutes off in a day and don't know where to get it.

Anyway, we'll get through this phase, like we've got through every other and move on to the next "normal" problem.

1 comment:

  1. Normal doesn't necessarily mean easy & it certainly doesn't mean you're not entitled to a rant. Big hugs. Hxx