I am about to have a rant. Feel free to comment if you life but the main point of this post is just to rant and get my feelings out.
I am dealing with a few issues just now and all of them are very, VERY normal.
1. I live in a town where I have no friends. I have met lots of really lovely people and I look forward to getting to know them better but right now they don't know much more about me than my name, how many children I have and that I moved here recently. My really good friends live in Aberdeenshire or Loughborough. And you know what, I am lonely. Really lonely. So lonely it makes me cry sometimes. This is normal, we've not long moved here and missing the people I have deep relationships with is normal. Wishing I could just pop round and say hello is normal. Feeling down and wishing I could have coffee with them is normal.
2. My children fight. Constantly. With each other and with me. Now that Miriam can move Naomi gets upset that her toys are stolen but equally doesn't understand that Miriam can't really play with her yet. Naomi doesn't listen to a thing I say from the beginning of the day to the end, unless I am offering her cake. This is normal, she is two. She is working out the world doesn't revolve around her and she is sad about it. It is normal that Miriam wants to explore her sister's toys and doesn't understand that Naomi thinks they are all hers.
3. I am exhausted. This is normal, I have two small children and I am with them constantly as neither of them have any childcare so I look after them morning, noon and night seven days a week. At this point in life I shouldn't expect to feel anything other than tired.
The thing is, though. Just because it is normal doesn't make it easy. Just because it is normal for my two year old to go through a phase of refusing to use a knife and fork doesn't mean I shouldn't try and make her at least try. Just because it is normal for me to feel lonely when my friends live so far away doesn't make it any easier for me to get through each day longing for deeper relationships and doesn't mean I should just get over it and stop feeling low.
I have stopped telling people about my difficulties, at least not so much as I feel all I get is a platitude of "it's normal". It is normal, and that provides a small amount of comfort that my problems aren't of a magnitude that can't be dealt with but it doesn't change anything, not least of all that life feels a bit tiring, challenging and difficult right now and I feel like I genuinely need help, be it advice or 10 minutes off in a day and don't know where to get it.
Anyway, we'll get through this phase, like we've got through every other and move on to the next "normal" problem.
Showing posts with label Support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Support. Show all posts
Thursday, 26 September 2013
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Where do I fit in?
I love breastfeeding my little girl, here we are having a snack one day
However, Naomi is about to turn one, once she does I plan on reducing her booby-milk feeds by replacing the two day time ones we still have with cow's milk from her sippy cup. We'll still be keeping the morning and night ones for a good bit longer, unless she decides she doesn't want them any more.
Following some advice from a friend I plan on doing this by offering her some cow's milk, once she is done/throws it on the floor she can have some booby-milk and in time I hope that she will drink more from the cup and less from my boobs! She gets more and more distracted during booby feeds and so I am hoping she will enjoy the cup as it will allow her to look around, though I'm planning on still having her on my knee for settling down and cuddles, to keep those snuggles we currently have.
One issue that I am having is that I don't know how much milk she should be offered, I've never had to measure it coming out of my boobs ;-) but the main issue that I am having is I don't know where to go for support.
Health professionals don't know what to do with me because I have been breastfeeding exclusively (as opposed to giving formula) for a year, they stopped knowing what to do with me when I kept breastfeeding beyond about 6 weeks! I also find though, that breastfeeding advocates don't know what to do with me because *I* want to choose (some of) the rate at which Naomi stops breastfeeding. It doesn't make sense to me that I would let Naomi be completely in charge of this, I don't let her be in charge of other stuff (like how much she sleeps or whether she is allowed to eat (as she often does) rocks, so I am not sure why she should be allowed to be completely in charge of this. I do want her to have a say, but I don't want her say to be the whole story.
I often find I am a bit scared of people who are very pro breastfeeding (despite being very pro breastfeeding myself) because I fear that if I tell them I want to give my child cow's milk at one, or that I might try and steer her away from booby feeds that they might tell me I am a terrible mother or barbaric in some way. The thing is though, that I think these people, I sometimes call them the breastfeeding mafia, would think they are being supportive, encouraging me to breastfeed for as long as possible. Unfortunately, though, it can come across as condemning rather than supporting.
This, then, leaves me in my dilemma, where can I go for support as a longer than the first few weeks but not as long as self weaning? Do you want to own up to being like me and join me for being a support network for each other?
However, Naomi is about to turn one, once she does I plan on reducing her booby-milk feeds by replacing the two day time ones we still have with cow's milk from her sippy cup. We'll still be keeping the morning and night ones for a good bit longer, unless she decides she doesn't want them any more.
Following some advice from a friend I plan on doing this by offering her some cow's milk, once she is done/throws it on the floor she can have some booby-milk and in time I hope that she will drink more from the cup and less from my boobs! She gets more and more distracted during booby feeds and so I am hoping she will enjoy the cup as it will allow her to look around, though I'm planning on still having her on my knee for settling down and cuddles, to keep those snuggles we currently have.
One issue that I am having is that I don't know how much milk she should be offered, I've never had to measure it coming out of my boobs ;-) but the main issue that I am having is I don't know where to go for support.
Health professionals don't know what to do with me because I have been breastfeeding exclusively (as opposed to giving formula) for a year, they stopped knowing what to do with me when I kept breastfeeding beyond about 6 weeks! I also find though, that breastfeeding advocates don't know what to do with me because *I* want to choose (some of) the rate at which Naomi stops breastfeeding. It doesn't make sense to me that I would let Naomi be completely in charge of this, I don't let her be in charge of other stuff (like how much she sleeps or whether she is allowed to eat (as she often does) rocks, so I am not sure why she should be allowed to be completely in charge of this. I do want her to have a say, but I don't want her say to be the whole story.
I often find I am a bit scared of people who are very pro breastfeeding (despite being very pro breastfeeding myself) because I fear that if I tell them I want to give my child cow's milk at one, or that I might try and steer her away from booby feeds that they might tell me I am a terrible mother or barbaric in some way. The thing is though, that I think these people, I sometimes call them the breastfeeding mafia, would think they are being supportive, encouraging me to breastfeed for as long as possible. Unfortunately, though, it can come across as condemning rather than supporting.
This, then, leaves me in my dilemma, where can I go for support as a longer than the first few weeks but not as long as self weaning? Do you want to own up to being like me and join me for being a support network for each other?
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